On BREAKTHROUGH THERAPY
I came to Peter for help because I was worried that if I didn’t have a better relationship with my father, it would affect my relationship with my son. I suspected there was a link between my father, my son and me. I was worried that old issues with my dad, would manifest themselves between me and my son, in the future. I was already exhibiting some of my father’s behaviour towards my son! There is no way I would want my son to have the same feelings towards me, that I had towards my dad. I love my son and daughter, and found it easy to shower my daughter with affection, but somehow I couldn’t be the same to my son, no matter how hard I consciously tried.
I am a successful businessman, but it has been a long, hard road. I left home young. The reason why I left home was that my father and I had a big fight and I was about to punch his lights out. After that, I didn’t fight with him anymore, I kept things cordial on a superficial basis, by suppressing my childhood memories. If I allowed myself to remember some of those memories, there would have been no way I could have tolerated him in my life. I wanted to become whole in myself, and I knew I had to let go and resolve those memories. I wanted to take the next step forward towards reaching my full potential as a human being. The first years of my life, I was looked after by my grandparents. I thought they were my parents. Another couple of close relatives used to visit me sometimes and take me shopping. Suddenly, one day, I had to leave my “parents” and move in with these strange people, who turned out to be my real parents.
They were firm believers of “spare the rod and spoil the child.” Perhaps I was a naughty child. I used to be embarrassed at school for the welts down my legs where I had been hit.
I remember only one incident where my father showed affection. That was after my mother whipped my back black and blue, like a dog, and my father told her to stop and only hit me on the buttocks and legs. He put some soothing ointment on my back after that. All I seemed to remember from my childhood was confusion and abuse.
Then I found my niche as a businessman. When I was at work, I went into this role of a successful, caring businessman. But as soon as I went home a change would come over me, as if I didn’t care about anything.
I didn’t have much to do with my parents. My mum would tutor my daughter once a week and I just pretended that I didn’t see her.
I really felt incongruent and fragmented. Part of me knew how to behave, and yet, when I wanted to show my son, how much I cared for him, I showed this uncaring attitude. It was also affecting my marriage.
A few years ago, I had counselling sessions with a psychiatrist. The process was cognitive and I didn’t find it helpful. I knew the issues arose from an Unconscious level, and I didn’t have the tools to deal with them. Consciously, I was already doing everything I could. I was polite to my parents, and I kept a lid on the past.
I realized that this was no way to lead my life. I only had a superficial relationship with my parents, and I wanted to move forward and be the sort of dad to my son that I never had. I wanted to love and protect him. I wanted to have a meaningful relationship with my wife. The only thing was, I didn’t know how to.
The first thing Peter did, was take a detailed personal history. I just let it all pour out! All the ugly memories of my childhood, and the unhappiness I felt about myself. We then worked on some strategies that I found very helpful. After getting in touch with my Unconscious mind, I was able to let go of my negative emotions one by one. It was so easy! When I tried to feel that old anger towards my dad, I couldn’t feel it any more!
We then worked on deleting some old concepts I had of myself, that weren’t serving me at all. Peter told me that all behaviours are learnt Consciously and then become Unconscious. What has been learnt, can be unlearnt. We also integrated parts of the Unconscious Mind that had split off when I was abused. These parts had started to act out on their own, causing me to behave in an unacceptable way sometimes. By the end of the session I felt like a completely different person. I even liked who I was! My relationship with my wife, children and parents has improved greatly. Nothing is holding me back anymore. I am now moving on, into the next stage of my life, knowing that I have the strength to overcome any problems. I know I will be a completely different father to my son. A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have thought this possible but now I am looking forward to having a happy future with my wife, children and my parents. Thank you Peter for your expertise!