The Ducks, the Donkey … and Mum Guilt

After the Miracle Method Immersion last week, something interesting happened.

When a big healing week finishes, I often feel a surge of energy to clean and organise everything around me.

It is like the field has been cleared and my body wants the physical environment to match it.

So yesterday I decided to clean out all the fridges and freezers.

Containers came out.

Old bits and pieces were sorted.

Vegetables were trimmed, scraps were collected, and I found myself walking backwards and forwards to the chook yard with a bucket.

Now here is the funny thing.

Every time I walked anywhere near the chook yard, the ducks came running.

Quack quack quack.

A whole chorus of them.

They ran up as if they hadn’t been fed for days.

But the truth is they are extremely well fed.

Pete gives them their grain every single morning without fail.

They are not starving ducks.

They are very spoiled ducks.

Still… there they were quacking loudly, looking up at me, waiting ….. so, of course, I threw them some scraps.

A few minutes later, I walked back past again.

Quack quack quack.

There they were again.

Then I walked over to the donkey paddock and threw some vegetable scraps to Cedric the donkey and Clover the cow.

They raced over, gobbled everything up in about two minutes … and then stood there staring at me.

Just staring.

You know the look.

The “Is that all?” look.

The eyeball treatment.

And as I walked back to the house with an empty bucket, instead of feeling pleased about how well our animals are fed and cared for…

I felt a strange heaviness.

A small drop in my stomach.

A feeling that somehow … I hadn’t given enough.

And I had to laugh at myself.

Because that feeling has a name.

It is called mum guilt.

Even after all these years, the healing work, helping thousands of people, and turning myself inside out, that old program of never quite being enough was triggered by my pets.

The old ‘never enough’ program.

No matter how much you give:

Your time
Your money
Your energy
Your attention
Your body
Your nervous system
Your life force

There is always another duck quacking.

Another person staring at you over the fence.

Another expectation waiting to be fulfilled.

For many years I believed that this feeling of ‘mum guilt’ meant something important.

I thought it meant:

I need to try harder.
I need to give more.
I must not be doing enough.

But over time I realised something incredibly important.

There are two distinct types of guilt.

And most people never learn the difference.

Healthy Guilt

Healthy guilt is actually a very useful emotion.

It is the conscience speaking.

It appears when we have genuinely acted outside our own values.

For example:

If you lied to someone and knew it was wrong
If you broke a promise you truly meant to keep
If you hurt someone through carelessness or anger
If you behaved in a way that violated your own integrity

Healthy guilt has a clear message.

It says: “Repair this.”

And the remedy is simple.

You apologise.
You take responsibility.
You correct the behaviour.
You restore alignment.

Once that is done, the guilt dissolves.

Healthy guilt is like a course-correction signal.

It helps us return to our own moral compass.

And once we respond to it, the nervous system settles again.

Unhealthy Guilt (The Fawn Response)

Then there is a completely different form of guilt.

This one is far more common and way more destructive because it is completely useless and an utter waste of your precious energies.

This guilt does not come from doing something wrong.

It comes from the fawn response.

Many people know about fight, flight, and freeze.

But trauma experts now talk about a fourth survival pattern called fawning.

Fawning means: Keeping others happy so you stay safe.

It develops in childhood when love, safety, or approval depended on being good, helpful, quiet, accommodating, or endlessly giving.

The nervous system learns: “If everyone else is happy, I will be safe.”

So the adult grows up with a powerful unconscious program:

Keep giving
Keep helping
Keep pleasing
Keep fixing
Keep rescuing

And whenever they stop … a wave of guilt appears.

But this guilt is not coming from conscience.

It is coming from old survival wiring.

It whispers:

You should give more.
You are selfish.
You are letting people down.
You are not a good person.

Even when you have already given everything.

This is the guilt that appears when:

Your children expect more and more from you
A partner drains your energy
A neighbour constantly asks for favours
A friend leans on you emotionally but never fills your cup

And you walk away feeling like a leaking bucket.

Your energy drains.

Your joy fades.

Your body becomes tired.

And eventually you can’t even remember the last time you felt light or playful.

Not because you are a bad person.

But because you have been trained to abandon yourself.

The Ducks Taught Me Something

Those ducks yesterday reminded me of something simple and profound.

The quacking does not mean the animals are starving.

It simply means they know food might arrive.

And humans are a little like that too.

If someone has access to your time, energy, or generosity, they will often keep asking.

Not because you are failing them.

But because humans naturally expand to the space available.

If you feed the ducks ten times a day…they will expect eleven.

And your nervous system will still whisper: It isn’t enough.

The Remedy

The remedy for unhealthy guilt is not trying harder.

It is recognising the pattern.

The moment guilt appears, ask yourself one simple question: “Did I actually do something wrong?”

If the answer is yes, then take responsibility for it and repair it.

But if the answer is no … then what you are feeling is not moral guilt.

It is a fawn response, trying to pull you back into over-giving.

And the healing response is very different.

Instead of giving more … you come back into your own lane.

You return to your own centre.

You remember that your energy, your nervous system, and your life force are not an endless public resource.

When you stop leaking energy into every direction, something beautiful happens.

Your system stabilises.
Your joy returns.
Your creativity returns.
Your clarity returns.

And the people around you also learn something important.

They learn that your generosity is a gift, not an obligation.

Yesterday the ducks quacked.

Cedric and Clover stared at me over the fence.

And I walked back to the house smiling.

This time, I recognised the feeling.

It was just an old program playing an old song.

It wasn’t a command from the Universe or a failure on my part.

The animals were fed.

The bucket was empty.

And that was enough.

Book an appointment with us if old patterns are draining your energies, and robbing you of today’s joy.

We can change that today!

A friendly reminder, We welcome clients at Purple House Wellness Centre on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays from 9am to 5pm.

We’re also happy to assist with postal orders.

Please call 03 6428 3007 to place or secure your order.

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Much love,

Grada

Grada Robertson, MNM
Master of Natural Medicine
Doctoral Candidate in Natural Medicine (Psychosomatic University / Holographic Manipulation Therapy with Drs. Gabe & Tiffany Roberts)

Grada is a three-time Amazon Bestselling Author of the trilogy: You Are the Miracle, The Underbelly, and Alchemy of Love.

Disclaimer:
Our content is for educational purposes only, based on our personal journey and research. It is not medical advice. We are not medical professionals. Always consult your doctor or healthcare provider for any medical diagnoses or treatment. The information we share is intended for learning and discussion and should not replace professional medical guidance. Any actions you take based on this content are solely your responsibility.