Is your happiness killing you?

Imagine you have it all… You have money in the bank to pay your bills, your marriage is sorted, and your children are doing well. Work is great, and you are one of the lucky ones living in Tasmania, with ample space and freedom. The sun is beaming down as you walk past your rose bed, and suddenly you feel so giddy with joy that your heart is going to burst any minute. You think to yourself: if my life were to end right now, I would be satisfied. I can’t fit anymore happiness in. I have experienced enough.

Have you ever had one of those moments?

I remember this instant well. It was January the 5th 2006 and I recall the exact spot where I stood, on the edge of my driveway during an otherwise ordinary day. For years afterwards, I put it down to a premonition. But now I have different ideas. I will explain that a bit later.

24 hours after my moment of pure bliss I get my wish: I am floating above the scene of a horrendous accident. I can see my body crumpled on the hot tarmac and a potato truck noisily moving up the hill in slow motion. I am dying.

The thing is, I have changed my mind.

I don’t want to die anymore.

I haven’t experienced enough of life yet.

In the nick of time, using all my willpower, I come back into my body.

Fast forward 10 years.

I am sitting on my own private little beach on the shores of the Forth river. Peter is paddling around in the water.

The sun is shining. It’s January 2016. I can’t believe how lucky I am. I mean, who in the world owns a private little sandy beach surrounded by native forest, with no other human in sight. The water is so clear and pure, if you could fill every cell of your body with it, it would wash all your traumas away.

I am so contented, I feel I could burst! Here I am living my life by my own script. Gone are the 30 years dictated by loads of washing, cooking and cleaning and squabbling kids. While I suffer from moments of empty nest syndrome, I absolutely love my peace and quiet. I am extra lucky, because I have fully recovered from that near fatal accident.

All I hear today is Pete splashing around in the water, the wind rustling in the trees, and the happy twitter of birds. In the distance I hear the cars zoom past, and its faintly reassuring that normal life is still going on in the distance.

Suddenly I feel a twinge of unease in my abdomen. I ignore it for a while but then the twinge turns into griping pain.

“Surely I can’t be starting another bowel blockage!” I tell myself. I start to shiver from fear. Bowel obstructions are not for the faint hearted. I nearly died from a severe bowel blockage that wouldn’t resolve in January 2013 and ended up needing life saving surgery. I start to sweat at the thought. I can’t stand it any longer. My secluded beach is rapidly losing appeal. All I want to do now is race home, hop in a hot bath and get under the blankets, where I will safe!

I don’t want to spoil Peters enjoyment, so I tell him that I need to go home to finish some admin jobs. 10 minutes later I am lying in a warm bath, feeling sorry for myself. By the time Pete arrives home, I am in bed. My tummy ache has gone, but my nervous system feels in tatters by my self-induced shock treatment.

What’s wrong with me? I question for the millionth time…

The only thing that stands between me and happiness is me, I conclude.

From the safety of my bedroom I ruminate over the highs and lows of my life. I can clearly see a pattern: Many times, when I experience ‘magical moments’, something bad happens not long after. In the past I thought they were premonitions… but now I realise that it’s less to do with premonitions and more to do with hitting a glass ceiling of joy.

I have a subconscious, invisible barrier that stops me from reaching new and unheard of (in my history) levels of success, comfort, creativity and abundance.

In 2006 I had finally reached a point in my life where success started to flow towards me easily. Things were great. I had worked hard all my life, and now at age 44, most of my dreams had come true. I loved living in Tasmania, my clinic was thriving, and my family was growing up, and at the end of each day I had money and energy left over for fun, relaxation and creative pursuits. This was a novelty because my twenties were dictated by the needs of our ever-growing family and supporting Peter in his career.

Idem ditto for my thirties. Just when my 6 children were out of nappies and gaining independence, my mum’s health took a nose dive. She died when I was 42.

I had a brief interlude of relative peace and prosperity, when I got hit by a truck.

Now I was back to square one, but at least my subconscious was an expert at surviving or thriving when the odds are stacked against me. I was back on familiar grounds. Life slowly got better over the next 7 years. But every time I got too excited, or too happy, successful or adventurous, I would suffer a bowel blockage.


It had only taken me 50 odd years to work out that I had a distinct pattern: I would enjoy a period of feeling really great, and then something would come along to screw it up.

I suddenly knew with absolute certainty that if I didn’t remove this glass ceiling or upper limit to how good I could feel, it would continue to bring me down till the day I died.

After the light of awareness dawned on me, I started to see the same pattern everywhere. One of my clients found the love of her life, after 3 very bad relationships. Within half a year of meeting him she was involved in a car accident and ended up with a sore back. Another one of my clients married a wonderful man after 20 years of aloneness, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer not long after.

An entrepreneur finally struck it rich. He attracted a series of wealthy clients into his life and started to earn the money he could only dream of before. Within the next twelve months he became suicidal and that’s how he ended up on my doorstep, all broken and lost, but with a lot of money to his name.

We all seemed to be tarred with the same brush. Like the couple who conceived after 10 years of IVF only for the new mum to discover that she didn’t enjoy motherhood. She had never fretted so much in her life. The only solution was to put the baby in day-care, so she could return to work and gain a semblance of normality.

Have you ever gone on the holiday of your dreams only to get so sick you couldn’t wait to get home?

Or you move into your brand-new home and your relationship breaks down, so you end up having to sell it?

It’s almost as if we have limited tolerance levels for success or happiness in general.

‘Something happens’, or we do something (subconsciously of course, so it’s not obvious that it’s our doing) to bring us back down within the perimeters of our limited tolerance for doing extraordinary well or feeling incredibly fulfilled or successful.

Bill Clinton springs to mind. If anybody could say he ‘had it all’ it was Bill Clinton. He was elected not once, but twice. The Americans loved him. And why wouldn’t they? The economy was booming and there was even a budget surplus.

Suddenly things went pear shape, or cigar shape in this case. His words: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” became the lie of the century. That’s what I remember him for. Not for his leadership skills or economic successes. I remember him for his lack of integrity.

Bill is a classic example of hitting his invisible subconscious success tolerance levels. At the pinnacle of his career, his subconscious triggered a series of behaviours that he couldn’t resist, and the rest is history.

Now that you know what I am talking about, your own past offers plenty of examples, I am sure.

Take mine for instance. My dad worked hard Monday till Saturday. Sunday was a ‘day of rest’, when we went to church in the morning and at night. He was an entrepreneur and our entire childhood was marked by periods of expansion and recession. A period of rapid success would be followed by an equally terrible disaster. First the entire business burnt to the ground. This crisis was overcome. My dad rebuilt. Then, just when success was beckoning and my dad had pumped all his assets into an expansion, he lost a major customer due to competition and nearly went bust.

My mum’s health was affected by it, and on top being deformed with a hunchback, she suffered depression in her forties.

They migrated to Tasmania in their late 50’s. This was breaking away from many Dutch traditions and offered them a newfound sense of freedom and adventure, for the first time in their lives. They settled in Springfield, on a beautiful property in the country, with stunning views of the mountains, in a spacious new house.

That’s when their upper limit started to show up, because my mums Rheumatoid Arthritis reared its ugly head to cast a shadow over their happiness. Eventually my mum became crippled and she died from cancer after a year of intense suffering, at an early age of 74 leaving my dad heart broken.

By earlier living standards, my parents had it easy. Their own parents had survived two world wars in Europe. One grandmother lost two newborn babies. The other grandmother had chronic untreated asthma for decades, got Alzheimer’s at an early age, and eventually died with breast cancer.

But you only need to go back a little bit further, and life was even more harsh. There wasn’t just hardship, people put up with social injustice, prejudice and oppression. There was very little freedom of thought. That’s if you had time to think, because life was filled with chores 24/7. People died young and women could expect to lose half their offspring or die in childbirth themselves.

No wonder I can’t enjoy my secluded beach without getting a bowel blockage! Especially if I let my life be dominated by ancestral cell memories and limiting programs.

Is there a solution?

Yes, yes and yes. I have spent decades of tireless self-analysis in search of the keys to prosperity that can set everyone free completely and enduringly. I have puzzled over the missing pieces in the 10,000 clients I have worked with. I have spent more money and energy on self-development than Bill Clinton.

I discovered why self-help programs don’t work for 97% of people.

If sabotages and stress caused by our subconscious are the primary source of virtually every pain and problem: physical, spiritual, emotional, and circumstantial, the solutions must be found in the subconscious mind as well. And they are!

I invite you to join me in my Surge to Success women’s empowerment program.

(don’t worry guys, Pete and I are developing a ‘manhood’ program that will be equally as powerful.)

By getting in touch with your subconscious mind and learning how to communicate with it in a loving and effective way, we can rout out every blockage to success, health and happiness. Changes happen instantly…. unlike laborious self-help programs based on repetition and hard work, because I will teach you how to feel the energy behind each pain and problem and show you how to shift it.

This empowering 7-week program is for women who struggle with:

  • Physical or Emotional Pain
  • Core Beliefs of Never Being Good Enough
  • Lack of self-trust or Confidence
  • Trauma from sexual manipulation or abuse, betrayal and the pressure to remain silent, so they can uncover and dissolve unexpressed emotions that are negatively impacting health, relationships, finances or any other area of life, and so they can attain greater abundance, joy, and success.

I have had twenty years of clinical experience in removing obstacles and sabotages and I am going to teach you my all -time favourite energy ‘hacks’ to clear stress and pain, as well as mindset strategies and shortcuts to create a fulfilling life, by increasing self-love, self-confidence, self-worth and awareness.

Don’t let your history get in the way of your destiny!

Click here to discover if this is for you!

Due to requests, I have started an evening group on the same dates, from 7 till 9.30 pm. I look forward to working with you. This training is full of wonderful women with a bright light to shine. You could be one of them!

Much love, Grada